"I can't believe you did this for me." Ron stared at the mark on Draco's
arm. He was repulsed, to be sure, but only by what the mark represented. He
couldn't fathom that Draco would endure such torture to ensure that Ron's
life was spared.

Draco shrugged. He didn't feel like a hero. He still felt guilty for having
left Ron without a word. And he still felt defiled by his father. He had
told Ron only bits and pieces of what had happened during their year apart.
Nothing about what Lucius had done to him.

They lounged in the sitting room of the safe house, which was quite nice by
most standards. A staff of house elves catered to their needs. Though the
house was protected by a complex web of wards and enchantments, Mr. Weasley
worried. He had asked them only to go outside at night, and then, only
briefly. Only a few weeks into their seclusion, being confined to the house
so much of the time was proving to be difficult for them both, fraying their
nerves.

Certainly not helping to ease the tension was Ron, who earnestly prodded
Draco for information on his time with Lucius. Draco became more volatile
with each inquiry.

"Give it a rest, will you, Ron?" Draco exploded. "I'm not ready to share all
the gory details with you just now!"

"Fine!" Ron stalked upstairs to his room. They had had their choice of
bedrooms when they first arrived at the house, and Ron chose the largest, as
it had more than enough room for both of them. He still didn't know why
Draco had chosen the room across the hall. He didn't hide his disappointment
at the choice, which further fueled their short tempers.

Draco watched him go, then lay back on the couch, arm flung over his eyes. A
part of him wanted to tell Ron everything, but he was still afraid. Afraid
of what Ron would think of him after hearing what Lucius had done. Afraid
that Ron would decide Draco was tainted, and no longer fit to be with. He
laughed bitterly, remembering their days at Hogwarts when he thought Ron was
beneath him. Funny? No, not any more.

He finally gave in. It really didn't matter when he told Ron. The story
would be the same, and it was up to Ron to decide what to do. He went
upstairs and found the redhead face down on his bed. "Ron?" he whispered
from the doorway. "Are you asleep?"

"No."

"You've been asking, so I'm going to tell you what happened to me. I
probably should have told you this while we were in your father's office so
you could make an informed decision. You might wish you hadn't come here
with me."

Ron sat up and watched him warily. He motioned Draco into the room. "Have a
seat."

"No," Draco shook his head. "I'll . . . stay over here." He took a deep,
shuddering breath and began. "My father had definite plans for me from the
moment I was born, and I altered those plans. I chose to be with you, and he
. . . wasn't pleased. He wanted me to understand that he runs my life, not
me. He owns me, and he took great delight in reminding me of that at least
once a week, sometimes more. I think he actually had me written into his
schedule. I was gone eleven months, so, if my calculations are correct,
that's about 56 weeks, right? While I was with him, my father raped me more
than 56 times. That's what happened, Ron."

"Oh, gods, Draco. Wait." Ron started to get up, but Draco cut him off.

"No, I'm not finished. Remember, you wanted to know. My father raped me,
and then he burned this fucking mark into my arm. Have you ever smelled
burning flesh, Ron? Have you ever smelled your own flesh burning, Ron? It's
enough to make you vomit." His voice got louder as he spat out the memories.
"And do you know what a father does when he's proud of having scarred his
son for life? When you get home from your initiation ceremony, your father
has a little party planned for you with his very close friends, fellow Death
Eaters. Seventeen of them, Ron. Seventeen men and my own father raped me
all night long. Most of them so fucking drunk they couldn't even get it up."

Ron was crying, wanting to comfort Draco, but not knowing how. Could he even
stand to be touched by another man after what his own father had done to him?

"So there you have it. Aren't you glad you asked?" Draco left, ignoring Ron
sobs and cries of "I'm sorry". He returned to the couch, curling himself up
into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest.

He wasn't angry with Ron for wanting to know. If the positions were
reversed, Draco would sure as hell want to know what had happened to Ron.

But the truth had ruined everything. He knew Ron wouldn't come near him now.
Draco wasn't sure he wanted him too, either. The feeling of having been
violated reared its ugly head every time he thought about it. He could still
feel their weight on him, hands groping, mouths sucking, biting, obscene
erections ripping and tearing. He remembered suffocating as they filled
every orifice. How he had gagged, spitting on the carpet what he couldn't
swallow, increasing his father's furor exponentially.

He wished he'd weighed his options more carefully. If he'd stayed with his
father, he would have been expected to kill the Weasleys. That, he knew, was
not actually an option. Having left his father, he now lived in another
prison, which was certainly safer than the first, and his future depended
upon the outcome of a war he couldn't fight. But he hadn't planned on a
future without Ron. And now that Ron knew the truth, Draco knew he was lost
forever.

He knew now what he should have done a long time ago. He just needed to find
his wand.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ron wished he were dead. The idea that another human being had endured so
much torment for so long, only to keep him alive. He shouldn't have let it
happen. He should have done something. He should have at least trusted
Draco enough to know he wouldn't leave on his own. He felt like such an
idiot, wallowing in his own misery over what he thought was a failed
relationship, when Draco was being tortured in ways Ron couldn't begin to
imagine.

What Draco needed was time, not Ron probing through painful memories for
information. And right now, that's all they had. Time.

Ron thought he could do that. Back off and stop trying to fix things. Let
Draco heal in his own time. And help him heal, if he could.

Ron made his way quietly down the stairs, afraid Draco might be napping. He
crept into the living room. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Draco stood, wand pointed at his own chest. The curse half spoken, "Avada .
. ."

"Expellarimus!" Ron screamed. Draco's wand flew into his hand. Ron's heart
thundered in his chest, and tears sprung to his eyes. "What the fuck were
you trying to do?"

"Ron," Draco sobbed, sinking onto the floor. He buried his face in his
hands. "I'm sorry. I just can't . . ."

"You're right. You can't do this." Ron knelt before him, his hands cupping
Draco's face. "I love you too much. I'm not going to lose you again."

"But," Draco continued, his voice breaking. "he . . . it's what he . . . I
told you what he did . . ."

"And if I could take all that away, I would. But right now, I want to help
you through this, if you'll let me. Just tell me what you want and what you
need. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"It's just that . . . what he did. I feel so . . . I know it wasn't my
fault. I know that. But I just can't imagine your wanting to be with me,
now that you know what happened."

"I told my father I wanted to come here with you, and I meant it," Ron
assured him. "I never stopped wanting you, Draco. I assume you agreed
because you wanted to be with me, too. But I've never known anyone who's
gone through what you have. I can only imagine that it's going to be hard
for you to . . . be with someone again. And it's not that I don't want to be
with you. I just don't want to push you for something you're not ready to
give. I'm afraid you're going to have to lead the way."

"I thought you'd be disgusted," Draco said, trying to hang his head. Ron
wouldn't let him, though. He kept his hands firmly holding Draco's face.

"No. Never. I love you. Your father, the bastard, I'd like to kill him
with my bare hands. But you, I love." He hesitantly wrapped his arms around
Draco, holding him for the first time since his return. A little clumsy,
not sure where he should put his hands or how close their bodies should be.
Expecting Draco to tense up at any moment and push him away. He didn't.

As awkward as it was, it felt like coming home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Into their second month of solitude, Draco finally convinced Ron to finish
unpacking. Clothing had already been put away, but boxes of personal items
from their flat that had been hastily packed were stacked against the wall of
his bedroom. Since it appeared they would be at the safe house for quite
some time, Ron relented.

It had taken him most of the morning to put his things away. He became lost
in memories, reminiscing over each item. Photos with Harry and Hermione, old
essays from Hogwarts, Quidditch magazines.

In the last box, he found a number of music CDs. He'd developed an
appreciation for muggle music, buying a CD player he'd used quite often.

"What's that?" Draco asked from the doorway, watching as Ron sat on the floor
wistfully fingering a CD.

"It's just music," Ron answered hastily, mixing it in with the others in his
lap.

Draco smiled. He'd almost forgotten how transparent Ron could be. "Looks
like there are some memories attached to that one."

"Well, yeah," he said quietly.

Draco waited for Ron to explain.

"It's you, actually," he said, ducking his head. "I first heard it on the
radio a couple of weeks after you left. One of the songs, parts of it,
anyway, made me think about you. So, I bought the CD. I played this a lot
while you were gone. I always had this hope that you'd come back."

"Would you play it for me now?"

"Okay." The player was sitting on the bedside table, and Ron slipped the
disc into it. "Just forget that it's sung by a girl, okay?"

"Girls aren't all that bad," Draco said, grinning.

"Oh, you know what I mean."

Draco leaned against the doorjamb, the opening strains washing over him as
the plaintiff voice began.

It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror
I guess that I was blind
Now my reflection's getting clearer
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again

Ron would have claimed it was embarrassment, but Draco recognized months of
pain etched in Ron's posture, his head down, red hair falling forward to
cover his face, hands trembling as he fumbled with the CD case.

There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day
You're such a part of me
But I just pulled away
Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know
I wish I said the words I never showed

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

Ron's shoulders were shaking. How many times had he sat alone in their flat,
playing this song and crying?

You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true
But I was scared and left it all behind

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

Draco crossed the room, holding his hands out to Ron, who grasped them
tightly. He urged the redhead off the floor and into his arms.

And I'm asking
And I'm wanting you to come back to me
Please?

Draco pulled him close, resting his head on Ron's shoulder, tangling one hand
in Ron's silky red tresses while his other snaked around to trace the smooth
line of his spine.

I never will forget that look upon your face
How you turned away and left without a trace
But I understand that you did what you had to do
And I thank you

I know you had to go away
I died just a little, and I feel it now
You're the one I need
I believe that I would cry just a little
Just to have you back now
Here with me
Here with me

"I don't want you to cry," Draco whispered as he nuzzled Ron's neck. "I'm
here with you now. Forever."

He felt Ron's hands fluttering at his back, clutching his shirt. "I'm sorry,
I just missed you so much," Ron sobbed.

"I know."

Content for now to simply be together again, they became reacquainted. Draco
inhaled Ron's scent, tasted the expanse of skin along his jawline, down his
neck to the hollow of his throat. Pushing the horrors of Lucius Malfoy to
the brink of his memory, hoping to make them tumble over the edge as he
replaced them with new memories of Ron.

Ron let Draco move at his own pace, touch whatever he needed to touch.
Trying to read Draco's feelings and mood through his skin and responding in
kind. He knew they were only testing the waters now, trying to piece
themselves and their relationship back together. Once they were whole again,
they could work on repairing the damage Lucius had done.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Ron whispered, his breath warm on Draco's
neck.

"I can't." Draco's answer was muffled as he buried his face in Ron's chest.
"Not yet. I'm still working all this out, okay?"

"It's okay," Ron said. "Whenever you're ready."

It didn't matter how long it took. All they had was time. Time, and each
other.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Why did your father let you go all of a sudden?" Ron asked.

"He didn't 'let me' anything," Draco replied. "I decided I had to leave."

"But why didn't you leave sooner? Like right when you got there?"

"I couldn't. I went back with the promise that you wouldn't be touched. As
long as I stayed, you were safe."

"So what made you decide to leave?"

Draco absently rubbed his arm, the mark hidden by long sleeves. "I knew what
my first task would be, after my initiation. And I knew I'd never do it."
Ron watched him expectantly, not even guessing. "Kill you. And your family."

Ron's jaw dropped. "He asked you to do that?"

"No, he never got a chance. I left early the next morning, before anyone in
the house was awake. It all became clear to me, after the . . . party. He
worked this plan from the beginning, knowing what would happen every step of
the way. When Crabbe and Goyle told me he was planning on having you killed,
he knew I'd agree to go back only if they agreed not to touch you. And he
kept that promise the entire year, knowing when I'd been initiated that he
would then turn around and order me to kill you. The perfect plan - exacting
his revenge on both of us for what we'd done."

"What we'd done? You mean, falling in love?"

"Exactly," Draco nodded.

"But how could he let you go so easily? I mean, floo? He had to know you'd
try and escape."

"Probably, but after a year's time, I'm sure he thought he had me broken.
Especially after that last night." Draco shuddered at the thought. "He was
too cocky. And I was too determined. I was going to get away, or die
trying."

"I'm glad you got away." Ron smiled and motioned Draco to the couch. "Come
lay here with me." The blond slid next to Ron, settling in under the crook
of his arm, head resting on Ron's chest.

"I'm glad your father agreed to see me," Draco said, his fingers tracing the
design on Ron's sweater. "If I'd known you never got my second owl, I might
not have gone to him for help. He treated me so kindly, but he must have
hated me for what he thought I did to you."

"Dad's not the one for you to worry about. Mum was a different story. She
was all solemn understanding on the outside, but I could see her anger
boiling just under the surface. Be glad she never got her hands on you."

"Momma Bear was mad because somebody did her Ickle Ronniekins bad?" Draco
teased.

"Bloody well right!" Ron chuckled, then turned serious. "I just wish I could
have gone to see her before we came here. Dad said he'd tell her everything,
but I probably should have done it myself, in person."

"He said it would be too dangerous. At least you've been able to send her
messages through the Ministry."

"I know. It's just not the same, though," Ron sighed. "I feel so useless
stuck here with a war about to start out there."

Draco raised his head to look Ron in the eye. "You wish you hadn't come here
with me." It wasn't a question.

"No!" Ron insisted. "It's not that. I love being here with you. I want to
be here with you. It's just hard knowing my family and friends are out
there."

"I'm sorry. I understand." Draco lay down again. "It's not so hard for me,
though. It doesn't bother me one bit that Lucius is out there and I'm in
here."

They lay together in silence, Draco's fingers making random patterns on Ron's
stomach, while Ron's hand rubbed Draco's arm. He felt the blond flinch when
he accidentally rubbed the mark.

"Sorry. Does it still hurt?"

"No," Draco said. "I just can't stand the thought of your touching it. It
reminds me too much of him. I wish there was some way to get rid of it."

They closed their eyes, not to sleep but to let the peace of the house wrap
itself around them, and to once again revel in their closeness, their shared
warmth a fond reminder of their past and an affirmation of their desire to
find and face their future. Together.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lyrics from Here With Me - (Michelle Branch, John Shanks)
©2001 I'm With The Band Music Publishing Company / Line One Publishing
(ASCAP) / EMI Virgin Music, Inc.

~*~*~*~*~*

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