Hentai
By Clare

NB: It's not really hentai. Sowwy.

ANNOUNCER: Ash, Brock, Tracey and Misty have decided to go back to Pallet town, to prepare for Pokemon league or some crap like that. Who cares? They don't pay me enough to make me sound permanently happy while spouting this bull...


THAT HIPPY BLOKE from wake up snorlax! Hands the ANNOUNCER another SPLIFF.


ANNOUNCER: The sun is shining! The breeze is balmy! Ash has high hopes of becoming a Pokemon master! And Misty is using Mrs. Ketchum's computer...


ANNOUNCER runs off with a huge case of the MUNCHIES.


MISTY: WAAAAAAARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!


Everyone IGNORES her.

MISTY: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


-------

MEANWHILE, in the front room watching DIGIMON on the TV:

BROCK: Sounds like Misty's screaming. Should we do something?

TRACEY: Well, as a pokemon watcher, I say leave her and hope she's being viciously attacked by some wild arcanine.

BROCK: You catch on quick for a new guy.

TRACEY: I have been in quite a few episodes you know! as a Pokemon watcher!

BROCK: You watch, I breed, that's the difference between us. And I don't suck.

-------


MISTY: Ash, stop having a Pokemon battle with Gary and get in here!


ASH: (enters the room, zipping up his fly) This is not a good moment misty! We were inspecting his lickitung.


MISTY: Eh? Gary hasnt caught a Lickitung I thought? Oh just...look! I found this on some site called the AGNPH archive. Ew!


ASH: ARGH! What the hell is that???? A new sluthellbeast Pokemon?


MISTY: It's your mom! Naked!


ASH: Wargh! I am never eating candy canes again. You think its real?


MISTY: Well...it looks like a badly drawn cartoon.


ASH: So does she!


BROCK AND TRACEY run in.


TRACEY: I'm a Pokemon watcher. I can tell if its fake or real!


TRACEY stares into the screen for a while. Then, he UNZIPS his pants.


ALL: NONONONONONO!!!!!!!!


TRACEY is RESTRAINED.


ASH: Goddamnit Tracey, we've told you about whipping your venonat out in front of people. That court order wasn't just a piece of paper you know.


TRACEY: Darn! Force of habit! Anyway, I can tell you, as a Pokemon watcher, I deduce this is Hentai. And it's the good stuff


TRACEY starts to unzip his PANTS again


MISTY: QUIT IT, YOU PERVERT!


MISTY the ginger PSYCHO hits TRACEY with a MALLET


ASH: Hentai? What's that mean? I don't understand! It sounds Japanese!


JESSIE: We *are* Japanese, Twerp!


ASH: But...we're speaking English!


JAMES: We've been dubbed, you fool!


ASH: So that's why my lip movements never seem to match up with what I say?


JESSIE: Partly that, partly because you're short bus.


BROCK: Is anyone else mildly disturbed Team Rocket have randomly turned up?


ALL: NO!


TRACEY: Lets look at another picture. Purely for Pokemon watcher reasons.


::CLICK:: goes a link


MISTY: EGADS!


JESSIE: NOO!


ASH: GIVE ME BACK MY PIKACHU!!!!


ALL: Eh?


ASH: Sorry, I felt it was expected of me.


MISTY: I'm having sex with Jessie? Ew!


JESSIE: I'm wearing her terrible clothing? Ewww!


JAMES: Be quiet Misty, you foul red headed slut. You'd be lucky to get any, let alone Jessikins! NEXT!


::CLICK::


BROCK: I didn't know you could do that with a pokeball.


ASH: Well, if it's a small one, Gary and me found that...


EVERYONE looks at ASH.


ASH: er... we found that... you can only catch small Pokemon in it. Yeah. Move on!


::CLICK::


BROCK: Um. What is Professor Oak doing to that Tauros?


::BEEP::


MISTY: Ash! Put Dexter away! Its not like Oak would have programmed it with..


DEXTER: The Crab Position. One that requires skill, dexterity and stamina, but can be very rewarding. Usually pr -


ASH: Schweeeeet!


BROCK: Ash. Put dexter away. In fact...give it to me...


ASH: No way, pervert! Get to the next picture!


ASH puts DEXTER back in his pocket.


::CLICK::


MISTY: Wow. It's James pole dancing nude.


JAMES: My thighs look chubby! Next!


JESSIE: your thighs could never be chubby, Jim. Its just all the better to grab you with!


::CLICK::


TRACEY: As a Pokemon watcher, I can tell you this one looks like Team Rocket having sex.


MISTY: Yeah, like that's really going to happen. Where are Team Rocket, anyway?


From BEHIND THE COUCH, we hear:


JAMES: Yes! Yes! Yes!


JESSIE: Oh, Oh, Oh!!!!!


BOTH: LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAIN!!!!!!!!!


ASH: Hmm. Who wants to check behind that couch. NOT YOU TRACEY!


BROCK: (checking) Uhhh! It looks like they're going to be out of it for a while.


ASH: Well, that's stopped those naughty deviants from stealing Pikachu! Haha!


::CLICK::


MISTY: They weren't even trying to steal Pikachu, you immature doofy little idiot!!!!!!!! They were just looking at Hentai with us and.. WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT PICTURE?


::BEEP::


MISTY: ASH, DAMNIT! BROCK SAID PUT THE POKEDEX AWAY!


DEXTER: GANGBANG. Intercourse featuring multipl-


ASH: Okay, Okay!


ASH shuts DEXTER.


TRACEY: It looks to my keenly trained Pokemon watcher eyes like an orgy with Brock, Officer Jenny, Nurse Joy...


BROCK: woohoo!


TRACEY: ...and Pikachu.


PIKACHU: Pika!


EVERYONE cranes their necks and SQUINTS.


ASH: Oh, I see it now. Her leg is kinda there and his arm is kinda there, right? I thought it was one of those magic eye pictures at first.


BROCK: Well, at least they drew me with a big one.


MISTY: That's Pikachu, you goofy moron!!!!


PIKACHU: Piiiikaaaa! Pikachu!


ASH: What do you mean, too small? You haven't even got one in real life, Pikachu!


PIKACHU: Pika Pi. Chu Pika Pika.


ASH: Whaddya mean, "that's all you know, twerp, and bulbasaurs never had any complaints"?


PIKACHU: Piiika. Pika, kaaaa!


ASH: "And Misty hasn't either"? Don't even joke about that, you depraved rodent.


MISTY: I think Pikachu has been reading some of the lemons.


PIKACHU: Piiika!


ASH: Pikachu, they are not true life confessions, you little yellow vermin!


::CLICK::


TRACEY: Me and venonat! Why would I want to do that???? I'm a Pokemon watcher!


BROCK: You really wouldn't do that? You're not that bad after all I guess.


TRACEY: I mean, I have Marril for that! Venonat? Please! Even I have standards! I'm a Pokemon watcher!


MISTY: Ewwwww! Me and Psyduck! I may be a psychoticly frustrated skanky ho but I'd never be desperate enough to do the duck!


ASH: Hey wait a second! These two are photographs!


MISTY: (SWEATDROPS) Uhmm... uh oh.


TRACEY: Damn. Caught out. And me a Pokemon watcher.


ALL: SNAP!


MISTY: Wait a minute... (examines the picture closely) HEY! PSYDUCK! I SAID POSITION OF THAT CAT, NOT THE BEE! YOU STUPID POKEMON!!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN READ THE KARMA SUTRA RIGHT! Oh god, Snap's taken pictures of himself too.


ASH: Ehhhhhhhhh...is that Richie with him, the ditto and the egg plant?


ALL: NEXT!!!!!!


::CLICK::


BROCK: it's Ash and Gary doing it! Sick!


ASH: Yes, ew, ew, ew, me and Gary, never, uh uh, no way. Not in a million years, they must be mad, I'm disgusted, I think I'm going to sue for misuse of image, ick, ick, ick. I can't believe they'd do this, I hate Gary, I'm not gay, homosexuality is naughty! I'd never be that perverted. It is against god's wishes, should never be done. It has no place on a decent, family cartoon like this. I'm so disgusted. I feel sick. Hey, Can we enlarge this and print it out please?


TRACEY: Whatever. I'm putting your mom in my pokemon watcher spank bank, anyway. Hmm...what's this one...


::CLICK::


ALL EXCEPT MISTY: OH MY GOD! SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK!!!!!!


MISTY: YES! I FINALLY GET LAID BY A HUMAN!


ASH: It's me and...and...MISTY! Having sex? WHAT KIND OF PERVERT WOULD EVER THINK I THOUGHT ABOUT HER LIKE THAT???


BROCK: It is truly the most twisted thing we've seen all day. Where did you find this site, anyway, Misty?


MISTY: Look, they've given me some decent tits! Er...In Mrs. Ketchum's bookmarks. Is Ash okay?


BROCK: I think he's projectile vomiting.


MISTY: ASH KETCHUM!!!! I'M QUITE A CATCH YOU KNOW!


ASH: Yeah, a catch for an isolated whaling boat. I feel sick and violated. Turn it off! Turn it off! PIKACHU! ELECTRIC SHOCK ATTACK NOW!


PIKACHU (reluctantly) BLOWS THE CRAP out of the COMPUTER.


TRACEY: No more Hentai? But! But! I'm a Pokemon watcher!


MRS KETCHUM enters.


MRS KETCHUM: Kids, I made you some candy canes! Ash! Why are you vomiting blood? And why is Team Rocket naked behind the sofa? Why is Misty looking demonic? And why has tracey got his pants round his ankles?


ALL: TRACEY! NOOOOOOO!!!!


ANNOUNCER: (Clearly DOPED UP at this point) And so, like, Ash fulfilled his dream of becoming a Pokemon master, because, like, in the cosmic scheme of things, we are all Pokemon masters. Join us next time, when I get fascinated by my fingers for an hour.


THE END