Shippers Weakest Link
By RED and Chaos

Welcome to Shippers Weakest Link! Usually there's something about winning a million dollars or some crap, but writing up all that stuff about money and banking is starting to seem like a lot of work, so we're just going to ask a bunch of questions to these 8 players, and watch them vote each other off! Let's meet the contestants.

Ash: I'm Ash Ketchum, I'm going to be a Pokemon Master!

Gary: I'm Gary Oak, I'm going to be Ash Ketchum's master!

Misty: I'm Misty, I'm going to win and get plastic surgery!

Tracey: I'm Tracey! I'm a Pokemon Watcher! Did I mention that I watch Pokemon?

Chaos: I'm Chaos! I'm the Princess of all Shippers!

Meggie: I'm Meggie, and I'm the co-founder of Palletshippers International!

McSweeney: I'm McSweeney, I'm God!

Archaic: I'm Archaic, and I'm the founder of the Offical Pokeshippers!

RED: And tonight, only one of these players will walk away a winner! The order was randomly selected before the show or something. Let's play Shippers Weakest Link!
Ash, is an electric attack effective against rock type Pokemon?

Ash: Yes!

RED: Incorrect! The answer was no! Gary, why is there barely any Gary merchandise?

Gary: Because the manufacturers are lame?

RED: Correct! Misty, what is the capital of Prague?

Misty: ...huh?

RED: WRONG! You stupid, stupid girl! Tracey, are you fat?

Tracey: No!

RED: That is incorrect! The correct answer is yes!

Tracey: I'm a Pokemon Watcher...

RED: Shut up! Chaos, do cigarettes cause coolness?

Chaos: Yes!

RED: Correct! Meggie, who is the comical geek?

Meggie: Dark Cloud!

RED: Correct! McSweeney, will you have sex with me?

McSweeney: Uh...yes?

RED: CORRECT! Archaic, is the Chikorita vine whip thing a good AAML hint?

Archaic: Yes!

RED: I'm sorry, that is incorrect, you stupid, delusional boy. OK, in the intrest of not making this fic a million pages long, it's time for the first vote.  Let's find out who is the weakest link!

Voice over: In this round, Misty was the weakest link, on account of the fact that no one likes her.  The strongest link was McSweeney, cuz he's gonna give it up to the host! But will the votes reflect this?

RED: Let's reveal the votes!

    Ash voted for Misty
    Gary voted for Tracey
    Misty voted for Gary
    Tracey voted for ...Professor Oak???

RED: God damn it! You're supposed to be voting people off the show! And he's not even on the show, you walking talking blob of Pikachu snot!

Tracy: WOO! OAK! Did I ever tell you that I'm a Pokemon Watcher?

RED: MOVING ON!

    Chaos voted for Ash
    Meggie voted for Ash
    McSweeney voted for Ash
    Archaic voted for Gary

RED: Well, Chaos, why did you vote for Ash? I thought you liked him.

Chaos: Yeah, I love Ash and all, but let's face it, he's not the sharpest tack on the corkboard, and I wanna win!

Meggie: Agreed.

McSweeney: Ditto.

RED: Well, Ash, with three votes you ARE the weakest link! Goodbye!

Ash: I don't mind getting voted off, I just hope Gary goes all the way!

Gary: Don't worry your pretty little head about that...

RED: Next round! Gary, what kind of guy wears a pink Hawaiian shirt?

Gary: A gay one?

RED: Correct! Misty, what is the cube root of one million?

Misty: uh...

RED: NO! It's not "uh..." it's 100! Tracey, what is your job?

Tracey: ...  ....hold on, I know this...uh...farmer?

RED: Dear sweet Jesus, no! You are a Pokemon Watcher! Chaos, who is Ash's father?

Chaos: Giovanni.

RED: Correct! Meggie, do your parents suck major ass?

Meggie: YES!

RED: Correct! I can't believe they grounded you from the net! McSweeney, who made the Smoking Gary pic, which is a work of pure genius?

McSweeney: Me!

RED: Correct. Archaic, is everyone god damn sick of you using the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black"?

Archaic: uh, yes?

RED: Correct! My god that doesn't even make any sense! I mean what if the pot wasn't black and the kettle was? Is there some law where they both have to be black? And what the hell is a kettle anyways? It sounds like a group of kittens!

Archaic: I'm sorry...

RED: Well you should be, it's time to vote!

Voice over: Misty is the weakest link for the second time, because still, no body likes her ugly skank self. The strongest link this time is actually Archaic, for admitting that everyone is damn sick of hearing that stupid pot thing. Seriously, he says it about every 5 seconds! Who even says that any way, my 90 year old grandfather? Dude! Get with the now!!!

RED: Reveal the votes!

    Gary voted for Tracey
    Misty Voted for Gary
    Tracey voted for...

RED: God damn it! You cannot keep voting for Oak!

Tracey: Woo-hoo?

    Chaos voted for Tracey
    Meggie voted for Tracey
    McSweeney voted for Tracey
    Archaic voted for Gary

RED: Well, it seems that most of you hate the fat bastard Tracey. Meggie, why did you vote for Tracey?

Meggie: Do I really need to explain why?  I mean look at him!

(Tracey holds up a sign that says "I love Oak!")

RED: Good point. Tracey, with four votes, you ARE the weakest link! Goodbye!

Tracey: Oak rocks my world!!! WOOOOOO!!!!

RED: What ever, next round! Gary, is it the Judean's People's Front, or the People's Front of Judea?

Gary: People's Front of Judea!

RED: Correct, we hate the Judean's People's Front! Misty, what is the atomic weight of barium?

Misty: ...what the...Why do you give me all the hard questions?  Do you even know the answer to these???

RED: Incorrect! Now be quiet, you ugly sack of slow witted idiocy! Chaos, what is the best website in the entire world?

Chaos: Reason to Believe!

RED: Correct. But I also would have accepted Dangerous Jade...
Meggie, do you have the worst taste in movies of any human being?

Meggie: NO!

RED: Incorrect! Your favorite movie was Mars Attacks and you actually LIKED Spy kids!

Meggie: It made me want to be a spy...

RED: McSweeney! Why the hell won't you join PI?

McSweeney: You see, I don't like being part of any organized group unless...

RED: Incorrect! You need to fucking join!  Archaic, why is there so much Poli merchandise?

Archaic: I have no idea.

RED: Correct, no one understands it, it's just a force of nature. I mean Poli's aren't even popular, yet they're on EVERYTHING! I swear the next time I see any form of Pokemon merchandise with Poliwrath on it, I'm going to maim someone.  But enough about that, it's time to vote!

Voice over: Dude, Poli's suck ass. They're the weakest link of Pokemon! The strongest link is Meowth, he rules!

RED: And now for the votes.

    Gary voted for Meggie
    Misty voted for Gary
    Chaos voted for Meggie
    Meggie voted for Archaic
    McSweeney voted for Meggie
    Archaic voted for Gary

RED: Chaos, why did you vote for Meggie, isn't she your best friend?

Chaos: Yes she is, but, dude, she had to like the Mars movie AND Spy Kids! It was too much!

RED: Good point! Meggie, with 3 votes, you are the weakest link! Goodbye!

Meggie: ...it made me want to be a spy...

RED: Right! Next round: Gary, should any one who likes the movie Event Horizon be shot?

Gary: YES!

Misty: Hey! I like...uh...never mind...

RED: Correct! Misty, we'll be nice and give you an easy question, do Cogs freaking rock?

Misty: ...What the hell is a Cog?

RED: Incorrect! A Cog is half cat half dog all terror and they rule!  Chaos, after this round, can we finally get rid of dick girl Misty?

Chaos: Yeah, we were just keeping her around to make fun of her.

Misty: Dick girl???

RED: Correct! McSweeney, am I fucking tired of thinking up questions for you?

McSweeney: Now how can anyone get tired of doing anything for me?

RED: Hmm...good point...I'll accept it!  Archaic, seriously, who DOES use that phrase about the pot calling the kettle black?

Archaic: No one, m'am...

RED: Correct! Now, it's time to vote!

Voice over: Am I really needed this time? I think we all pretty much know what's coming next...

    Gary voted for Misty
    Misty voted for Gary
    Chaos voted for Misty
    McSweeney voted for Misty
    Archaic voted for Gary

RED: Archaic, Gary has gotten all his questions correct, yet you've voted for him every time. Why is that?

Archaic: Because AAML is true!!! I'm right and you're wrong!

RED: As always, you are a shining example of your race, The Idiots! Misty, with three votes, you are the weakest link, goodbye!

Misty: GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!

RED: Next round! Gary, don't you think it's time to get rid of Chaos' sorry ass?

Gary: Yeah, she's out lived her usefulness.  

RED: Correct! Chaos, when will this fic be over?

Chaos: When Gary wins?

RED: Correct! McSweeney, did we just reveal the ending?

McSweeney: Yup.

RED: Correct!  Archaic, is there any hope of you winning this game?

Archaic: Yes!

RED: No, you silly twit, you haven't been paying attention! You will lose! LOSE!!!  Now it's time to vote!

Voice over: Blah blah blah....

    Gary voted for Chaos
    Chaos voted for Archaic
    McSweeney voted for Chaos
    Archaic voted for Gary

RED: Well this is no suprise! Chaos, with 2 votes, you are the weakest link, goodbye!

Chaos: Damn you RED!

RED: Alright, next round! Gary, is it time for McSweeney to go get a hotel room so he can meet me after the show?

Gary: Uh, yes?

RED: Correct! McSweeney...

McSweeney: Uh...what?

RED: Didn't you hear me, boy?! Go get a hotel room!

McSweeney: OK...

RED: Archaic, since Sweeney is gone and it's just you and Gary left, are we going to skip the next part and just go straight to the final round?

Archaic: Um...I guess so?

RED: Correct! Now, you and Gary will each be asked a series of 5 alternating questions, and whoever gets the most questions right wins! Except 5 sounds like a lot and it's getting late, so we're just gonna say 2 questions each! Sound good?

Gary: Sure.

RED: OK! Let's begin! Gary, is Ash Ketchum right behind you?

Gary: Usually, yes.

RED: Correct! Archaic, why the hell do you have a team of all bugs?

Archaic: Well, the element of...

RED: Nevermind, it's too boring! We'll just say correct! Gary, is this the fisrt fic we've written where we haven't killed off Misty?

Gary: Uh, I think so!

RED: Correct! Archaic, you have to get this question right to stay alive. Is Ash Ketchum gay?

Archaic: NO!

RED: Incorrect! He is gay!

Ash: Damn, even I knew that one!

RED: Archaic, you are the weakest link, and Gary is the winner!

Gary: Um...so do I actually get anything for winning?

RED: Shut up! Use your mouth for something more productive!

Gary: ::looks at Ash:: Good idea...

RED: Very good then! See you all next time on Shippers Weakest Link!

Voice Over: If you'd like to be a contestant on Shippers Weakest Link, too bad, we don't care.