Pokebattles Episode V: The Rocket Gang Strikes Back

It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Although the Death Starmie has been destroyed, Rocket Troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy. Evading the dreaded Rocket starfleet, a band of freedom fighters lead by Ash Bikehopper has established a new secret base on the remote ice world of Venohoth. The evil lord Darth Vanni, obsessed with finding young Bikehopper, has dispatched thousands of remote probes into the far reaches of space.

000

Ash, Brock, Misteia and Todbacca were all on the Rebel base. One day, Ash was out searching for life forms and was attacked by a vicious Pokemon, the likes of which he had never seen before. He escaped, but was too weak to walk. As he lay in the snow, freezing, he saw a vision of Bill, telling him he must go to the Dextobah system and find Professor Yoaka to get his starter Pokemon. He then passed out.

Brock, thinking that rescuing Ash might impress the ladies, went out to look for him. He found him and saved him, but the girls of the rebellion still refused to give him any loving.

The next day, Brock shot a Kabuto in his sexual frustration.

000

On a Rocket Gang ship, an indigo haired man looked excitedly at a screen. "One of the Kabutos we sent out to look for the rebel base was shot!"

A girl with bright red hair walked up. "That doesn't mean anything. It could be anyone who shot it. We have thousands of probe Kabutos. If we checked out every lead..."

Just then, Darth Vanni walked up. The indigo haired man told him what he'd found.

"That is the system. They are there. Set your course for Venohoth immediately," Vanni commanded.

000

The Rebels realized that the Rockets were coming, so they began evacuation, but they weren't quick enough to escape before the Rockets arrived. They were attacked by Rocket walkers and ships. The Rebels successfully battled the Rockets. Ash escaped in a ship with Togepi. Brock, Todbacca and Misteia escaped with Meowth in the Millennium Fearrow. But, they were followed by two people in a Rocket Gang fighter...

Inside the fighter were the two people- the indigo haired man and the red haired woman.

"Jess, that was a great plan to keep working for the Rockets for a while so that we could use them to find the freedom fighters so that we could join the Rebellion."

"Why are you explaining to me what my plan was? I already know what it was, I'm the one who made it up! Remember, James?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," James said.

As the Millennium Fearrow flew through space, Jesse and James landed their small fighter on top of it, got out, and climbed into a porthole in the top of the Fearrow.

When they entered, they saw that Todbacca was piloting and Misteia and Brock were fighting.

"Misteia, why can't we have sex? I saved you, you owe me!" Brock yelled.

"I told you NO, you freak!" Mistiea screamed.

"Is it because of Ash? Look, I've got some news for you, he doesn't like you!"

"YES HE DOES!" Mistiea shrieked, punching her Psyduck in frustration.

Todbacca helpfully pointed out that he liked to take pictures of Pokemon.

"Oh yeah? Well I shot FIRST!" yelled Brock.

"What the hell are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?" Mistiea yelled back.

Todbacca then mentioned that he liked to take pictures of Pokemon.

Jesse and James watched these events with contempt.

"If this is who's leading the Rebellion, no wonder they're in retreat!" Jesse exclaimed.

"We could handle things better than these three losers!" James said.

Jesse and James jumped out to show themselves.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"Yes, and make it double!"

"Who are YOU?" asked Brock and Mistiea in unison.

"I am James Duo, and we're taking over this Rebellion. You guys couldn't rebel against a dress code!"

"Well, I'm Princess Misteia, and I DESERVE to lead this Rebellion. I'm the princess of Arcaran! Royalty!"

"So you're the brat who stole my rightful place at the throne!" Jesse said in surprise.

"Wha--"

"I'm Jesse, but you might better know me as Princess Jesseia! I'm the REAL princess of Arcaran; you were adopted!"

"I know I was adopted! It's not my fault you ran away after you THOUGHT your mom was dead!" Mistiea said.

"Look, I'm taking over this rebellion, AND I'm taking back my rightful title as Princess of Arcaran!" Jesse proclaimed.

"But, Arcaran blew up. It's gone. You'll have nothing to rule," Misteia pointed out.

"Don't bother me with your picky details!" Jesse snapped.

At that point, Meowth broke in. "You know, you two are right about these three dorks. Let's get rid of them."

"But how?" asked James.

"There's an old legend," Meowth began, "that says that whenever anything is stupid, you do an old disco dance called the robot dance, and the stupidity goes away. The story goes that there was once a young girl named RED. She was in a boring math class where everyone would make fun of her if she got a problem wrong. One day, the teacher made everyone play a dumb math game. RED was supposed to do a problem on the board. But instead, she did the robot dance. The teacher asked if she was OK, and she said no. The teacher then asked if she needed to go to the nurse's office, and she said yes. So she never had to do the problem on the board, and spent the rest of the class period napping on a cot. She got away from stupidity with the robot dance!"

Author's note: This legend is true.

"Well, I don't think it will work, but I guess we can try. Show us how to do the dance," James said.

Meowth began moving his arms and upper body in jerky motions. Jesse and James followed suit.

"Hey!" Mistiea said. "Look at that planet we're flying over! I think that's where my real parents come from!"

Brock looked out the window. "Hey, I heard there are a lot of hot chicks on that planet!"

"Waaeeeerrrr!" Todbacca said, meaning, "I heard there are some good Pokemon to take pictures of down there!"

"Well, let's go!" Mistiea said.

The three got into an escape pod and jettisoned it in the direction of the planet.

"Looks like Team Twerp is blasting off again!" Mistiea and Brock yelled on their way down.

And so, Jess and James took over the controls of the ship.

"That's a great dance!" said James. "It really works!"

"I know!" said Meowth.

000

Meanwhile, on the Rocket Gang ship, Darth Vanni spoke with the Emperor, whose face could not be seen. Vanni was instructed to find Ash, and to try to turn him to the Dark Side. Vanni was sure that Ash would meet back up with whoever was in the Millennium Fearrow ship, so he sent out his best team to track them.

A girl with strawberry blonde hair and a young man with aqua hair got into a fighter together and went to find the Fearrow. Little did they know, they were being followed by a mysterious redheaded spy.

"There they are, Butch!" the strawberry blonde said.

"OK, Cassidy, let's get them!" the man with aqua hair said.

000

On the Millennium Fearrow, Jesse and James realized they were being followed. James took the controls.

"I'll shift into hyperdrive! Here we go!" he said.

But nothing happened.

"What's wrong?" asked Jesse. "Make the jump to 99% of light speed!"

Narrator: 99% of light speed?

Chaos: Yeah, according to the theory of relativity it is impossible to reach the speed of light because it would take an infinite amount of energy to propel you.

Narrator: Sorry I asked...

Chaos: Hey, remember what RED did to the LAST narrator who complained!

Narrator: Oh, yeah, I'll shut up.

"The hyperdrive must be broken!" James shouted.

So, James decided to navigate straight into an asteroid field.

"They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?" James reasoned.

"But," said Meowth, "the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are approximately 3,720 to 1!"

"Never tell me the odds."

So, the Fearrow flew into the asteroid field, and the ships following them were smart enough not to follow. After dodging many asteroids, James landed in a cave on a particularly large asteroid. Meowth got to work fixing the hyperdrive.

The ship lurched suddenly, and Jesse fell into James' lap. James had had enough of this constant unresolved romantic tension between them, and in a rare moment of assertiveness said, "You want me, don't you?"

"You?" Jesse said contemptuously. "No! You're a wimp!"

"I think you like me because I'm a wimp," James said. "There haven't been enough wimps in your life."

They kissed then, and just as the kiss was getting good, Meowth broke in with news about the hyper drive.

"Gee, thanks," James said sarcastically.

They soon found that Zubats were attached to the ship, so they had to go outside and knock them off. The ground lurched again while they were out there, and James realized something.

"Everyone get back in the ship!" he yelled.

They got back in and took off, even though he hyper drive wasn't fixed yet.

"The cave's collapsing!" Jesse yelled, alarmed.

"It's no cave," James said.

It turned out that the whole time they had been in the stomach of a giant Diglett!

Clear of the asteroid field now, James checked the instruments.

"Hey, we're near the planet of Cloystercaunt! An old friend of mine, Mondo Calrissian, lives there! That's where we can land to get this ship repaired!"

So, they headed for Cloystercaunt.

000

Ash was supposed to rendez-vous with the others, but he realized that "rendez-vous" was a french word meaning "date", and he certainly didn't want any form of date with Mistiea. Also, he remembered his vision telling him to go to the Dextobah system.

So, Ash found the system and ended up crash landing on a swampy planet. He began looking for Professor Yoaka. What he found, though, was a very old man who seemed crazy. The old man wanted to play with Ash's hat. Togepi tried to keep it away from him, but the man just hit Togepi's hard outer shell with a stick until Ash said, "Oh, let him have it, Togepi!"

The old man said he could help Ash, but Ash said he didn't think so.

"I'm looking for a great warrior," Ash said.

"Wars not make one great," the old man rightfully pointed out.

"Well, I'm looking for a Poke Master," Ash clarified.

"Ah, you seek Yoaka!" the old man said. "Take you to him, I will."

Surprised but happy, Ash followed the old man to the small cave that was his home. The old man insisted they eat before he took Ash to Yoaka. Ash soon became frustrated that they were wasting their time.

Just then, Ash's rival, whom he used to be best friends with, walked in.

"Grandfather!" Gary Carswerver exclaimed.

"If he's your grandfather, that must mean...Yoaka!?!" Ash realized.

"It figures a loser like you wouldn't even know a great Poke Master when he saw him," Gary taunted.

Ash fell to the ground in defeat and almost began to cry. Gary's insults always hurt his feelings so much!

"I'm glad to see you, Gary," Yoaka said. "Now, I have two people to train to become Poke Masters. Come with me, both of you, to get your starter Pokemon. But, Ash, you must learn patience."

"Yes, Master Yoaka," Ash said.

And, so, Ash was given a Pikachu, and Gary got an Eevee. Gary and Ash battled each other and trained.

Ash was slow to catch on, though. Yoaka let Ash borrow a Drowzee of his and instructed him to use the Drowzee's psychic powers to lift Ash's ship out of the swamp that he had crashed it into. Ash couldn't do it, though. He felt it was impossible. Yoaka took the Drowzee back and successfully used it to get the ship out.

"I don't believe it!" Ash said in surprise.

"That," Yoaka said sadly, "is why you fail."

Gary was doing well, though, until he suddenly got a vision that his friends were in trouble.

"I just saw them!" Gary said. "The two Rockets who spared me and saved me from the other Rockets when Mewtwooine was attacked! They were in a city in the clouds. They were in pain. I have to go to them and help them like they helped me!"

Yoaka disapproved of Gary leaving before his training was complete, but Gary was insistent.

"I'm going, too!" Ash said.

"I can't take this loser with me!" Gary yelled.

"I'm not a loser..." Ash said quietly, tears in his eyes.

"If you are to go," said Yoaka, "you must take him with you. I just can't take any more of a trainer who tries to use an electric type to fight a rock type."

"Well, I guess I have no choice, I have to save my friends. Come on, Ash," said Gary.

So, Ash, Gary, Togepi, Pikachu and Eevee set off.

000

Meanwhile, Jesse, James and Meowth had landed on Cloystercaunt. Mondo welcomed James and flirted with Jesse.

Unfortunately, Butch and Cassidy had found out where Jesse and James were going and they had reported it to Vanni. Because of this information, Vanni had sent many troops to take over the planet and force Mondo to set a trap for the passengers of the Millennium Fearrow.

Mondo told Jesse, James and Meowth that they were invited to dinner. But when they got to the dining hall, only Darth Vanni was there. He captured them and put them in a cell. Mondo came and tried to apologize, but they were understandably unreceptive.

Vanni knew that the captain of the ship owed a lot of money to Richie the Hutt, so he promised to turn him over to Butch and Cassidy, as a reward for finding the passengers of the Fearrow. Butch and Cassidy planned to hand over Brock to a friend of theirs who was a bounty hunter. The bounty hunter would be rewarded greatly by Richie for bringing him in.

Butch came to the prison that held the three and grabbed James and took him to the bounty hunter.

"Here's your smuggler," he said.

"Yeah," said Cass. "We want our half of the money you promised to give us up front."

"You fools!" the bounty hunter yelled at Butch and Cassidy. "This isn't Brock! Isn't this one of the members of your own Rocket Gang who defected?!"

"Oh, yeah...I thought he looked kinda familiar..." Butch said.

Darth Vanni walked up. "Look, my plan is to freeze Ash in carbonite when I finally catch him, and I need someone to test the procedure on to make sure it's safe. Since you don't need this man, I will use him for my experiment."

"HEY!" said James. "You can't do this to me!"

"Why not?" asked Vanni. "I do remember you, now! You deserted us, and you've obviously sided with the rebels! Why shouldn't I freeze you?"

"Well...uh..." James said.

"STOP!" The mysterious redheaded spy who had been following Butch and Cassidy suddenly burst into the room.

"Don't freeze him! I have something that will make you ALL very happy," the redhead said.

"Jessebelle, it's you!" James exclaimed.

Jessebelle brought out a prisoner that she had.

"It's Tracey!" said the bounty hunter in surprise. "Richie is offering an even bigger reward for him than for Brock Solo!"

"You can freeze him and then give him to Richie!" Jessebelle said.

"What do you ask in return?" Vanni queried suspiciously.

"Only that you turn James over to me," she said.

"Done!" said Vanni. "Let's freeze Tracey."

"What if he doesn't survive the freezing process? He's no good to me dead," said the bounty hunter.

"I'll reimburse you," promised Vanni.

"I like to draw pictures of Pokemon," Tracey said.

"Are you related to Todbacca?" James asked.

They got Jesse and Meowth out of their cell so that they could watch Tracey being frozen in carbonite. Tracey survived and was turned over to the bounty hunter. Then, James was turned over to Jessebelle.

"I love you!" Jesse said as Jessebelle dragged James away onto her ship.

"I know," said James.

Vanni planned to take Jesse and Meowth back to the Rocket Gang base with him.

"Hey!" said Mondo. "I thought the deal was that I got custody of Jesse and Meowth!"

"That was before I knew that my own Rocket troops were on the ship. Obviously, Jesse goes back with me," Vanni said.

"I thought we had a deal," Mondo said defiantly.

"I am altering it. Pray I don't alter it any further," Vanni said.

"This deal is getting worse all the time," Mondo said quietly.

Just when Vanni thought his plan to catch Ash would surely fail, Ash and Gary appeared. Vanni didn't know why Ash had shown up, but it didn't matter. He finally had Ash right where he wanted him.

In the commotion, Mondo helped Jesse and Meowth to sneak away and take off in the Fearrow. Mondo hoped his men had fixed its hyper drive.

Unaware that his Rocket members were escaping with Mondo, Vanni invited Ash to come to his ship for a Pokemon battle. Ash recognized Vanni as the man who had killed his father, and so he agreed to the Pokemon battle.

Ash sent out his Pikachu to battle Darth Vanni's Persian. Pikachu won, but then Vanni sent out his Rhydon. Since Rhydon is a rock type, Pikachu's electric attacks wouldn't work, but Ash still had not grasped this concept.

"Pikachu, Thundershock! If you just use enough electric current, we can beat him!"

Pikachu was very weak. Ash was about to lose.

"Do you give up yet?" asked Vanni. "You must turn to the Dark side. It is much more powerful. Join me."

"Never! You killed my father!" Ash yelled.

"Ash, I AM your father."

"No..." Ash whispered.

"I can see you know it is the truth. Join me and we will rule the universe together as father and son," Vanni offered.

"I'll never join you!" Ash said.

"Then you will DIE!" Vanni told him.

Vanni prepared to send his Rhydon to tackle both Ash and Pikachu and send them flying off of a ledge.

Just then, an Eevee jumped out and used its sand attack on the Rhydon. Rhydon's accuracy was impaired, and its tackle missed. Rhydon accidentally sent itself flying off the ledge.

"What the-" Vanni said in surprise.

"I am Gary Carswerver, grandson of Yoaka! Don't mess with the Light side of the force!"

"Why you little-" Vanni started. Instead of finishing, Vanni sent out his most powerful Pokemon, Mewtwo.

Mewtwo used its psychic attack on Gary and Eevee, knocking them out.

Ash ran to Gary and put his arms around him. "Gary! Are you all right?"

Gary lay unconscious.

"Pikachu, I know you're tired, but I really need you now! Thundershock that Mewtwo!" Ash commanded.

Pikachu did as he was told, and, since by some mix up Ash had apparently gotten a level 600 Pikachu with electric attacks that were more powerful than any normal Pokemon's, Mewtwo fell.

Darth Vanni was so suprised, it gave Ash time to grab Gary and Eevee and escape. Vanni came to his senses and chased them, but they jumped down a chute and slid to the bottom of the ship. They ended up hanging from a thin pole on the underside of the ship.

On the Fearrow, just as they were about to escape the city, Jesse said they had to go back. She sensed her old friend, the boy she had saved when the Rockets attacked Mewtwooine, was in trouble.

They flew the Fearrow to where Ash and Gary hung. Ash jumped into the top of the ship with Gary and the Pokemon. They were safe, and now the Fearrow made the jump to 99% of light speed, and they left Cloystercaunt. A Chansey healed Gary, Eevee and Pikachu.

"Gary, you used your Eevee to save me from Vanni," Ash said gratefully.

"Oh, well, uh, I was just...trying to defend the Light side of the force, you know," Gary said hastily. "But, uh, thanks for saving me and Eevee back there and getting us off the ship. I guess maybe you're not a TOTAL loser."

"Wow, thanks," Ash beamed.

Just then, Jesse walked in.

"And you!" said Gary. "You've saved me for a second time now! How can I ever repay you?"

"You can help me rescue my partner, James," Jesse said. "He was taken hostage by a woman named Jessebelle. We have to find him."

"Don't worry, we'll rescue him! I'm the greatest Pokemon trainer there is!" Gary was confident in his abilities.

Mondo walked in. "We'll all help you."

"Yeah!" agreed Ash.

So, they all flew off to go try to rescue James from Jessebelle.

Narrator: Will they rescue James? Who is the bounty hunter? To find out, make sure to tune in next time...

Episode VI: Return of the Poke Masters