A Comedy of Errors
By Ariana

Baby Got Back
Sir Mix-a-LotAlbum: Mack Daddy

[Intro]
Heero: Remind me why we have to do this again?
Ana: ::holds out X-rated pictures of Heero and Quatre gettin'
jiggy
wit' it:: I know Duo would love to see these...
Heero:  You are a terrible, terrible person.  Omae—
Ana: Shut yer yap and get on stage.
Heero:  ...damn f*^$#ing...wise @$$ bi...
Ana: Take one, "Baby Got Back!"

Heero: ::dressed in drag...can't ya just see the short leather
mini-
skirt and tube top?::

Oh, my, god.  Ash, look at her butt. It is so big.
*scoff*
She looks like, one of those rap guys' girlfriends.

Ash: ::also in drag. `Hey,' he snarls, `what the hell you
doing?'
`Payin' a favor,' Ana replies.::

But, y'know, who understands those rap guys?
*scoff* They only talk to her, because,
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big.

Heero:
*scoff*
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ... black!


Suddenly, Shigeru prances on stage, wearing huge Fubu jeans that are
quickly falling down, revealing red silk boxers.  He's wearing a
wifebeater and a red headscarf that clashes terribly with his hair.
He smirks at Ash, who shrinks away and hides behind Heero.  The
Japanese pilot is stoically silent.

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]::aka Shigeru:: :
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough

Heero suddenly pales as the other 4 Gundam pilots file into
the night club, followed by the entire cast of Pokemon.

Heero:
Nani--?!

Ana:
::smiles::

Duo:
Whoo!  Heero, you look so fine!

::more random catcalls::

Quatre:
Take it off!

Trowa:
?

Quatre:
...

Shigeru:
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
::grabs a mike from Shigeru-space and walk/dances over to Satoshi,
running his hands over his butt::

Satoshi:
Eee!  Get away from me!
::slaps girlishly at Shigeru::

Shigeru:
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture

Duo:
What did you mean by that, Quatre?

Quatre:
...

Heero:
Don't say a word, Quatre!  Don't incriminate yourself!

Ana:
Too late, baka.

Shigeru:
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy

Satoshi:
::with obvious difficulty::
Shigeru...what are you doing?

Shigeru:
::grabs Ash and starts to tango::
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin—

Out of nowhere, a large `R' drops from the ceiling and Team
Rocket arrives with much fanfare.

Jessie:
Prepare for trouble!

Shigeru:
::looks Jessie up and down::
She's wet, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette

Jessie:
::blushes furiously::
Stop that!  We haven't finished our motto!

Ana:
Technically, he started "Baby Got Back" before you did, so he
gets
precedence.
::Team Rocket shrugs and sits down at a table in the back with the 4
very amused Gundam pilots.  A random breeze hisses through the room,
lifting Ash and Heero's skirts, nevermind the fact that
they're
leather...::

Shigeru:
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that

Satoshi:
::to Heero::
You're not black...

Shigeru:
::ignores Satoshi::
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas!

Duo:
Yeah!

Shigeru:
Fellas!

Quatre:
What are you doing, Duo?

Duo:
It's part of the song.

Quatre:
::shrugs::
Yeah!

Shigeru:
Has your girlfriend got the butt?

Trowa:
Hell yeah!
::oops...roaming hands...::

Shigeru:
Tell 'em to shake it!

Duo:
Shake it!
::Heero whistles and draws patterns on the floor with his patent-
leather mary janes::

Shigeru:
Shake it!

Duo:
Shake it!

Shigeru:
::leers at Ash::
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!

Duo:
::jumps onto the stage and grabs the mike away from Shigeru, shoving
him into Ash.  They all freeze, and a Pin Drops TM, then the two boys
start making out furiously in front of everyone::

Baby got back!
I like 'em round, and big

::winks at Heero::

And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh

::grabs Heero and begins grinding with him in front of the entire
club::

I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Shinagami's in trouble

::Heero grabs Duo's braid and uses it to launch him off the
stage.
Duo flies into the salad bar.::

Shigeru:
::covered in lipstick::

Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my boys like Sato

::Satoshi smiles at him from the floor, exhausted::

A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya

The door flies open, and suddenly Relena runs in, flanked by
Lady Une, Lucrezia Noin, and a gun-totin' Sally Po, wearing a
pink
spandex leotard and leg warmers.  The others wear their usual
uniforms.

Duo:
::covered in lettuce::
Gack!  What's she doing here?

Heero:
Omae o korosu.

Shigeru:
Get y'all fat @$$ outa here!
This isn't a Heero-aholics Anonymous meeting.  Go, go, go.
::shoos a confused Relena out the door::
Anyway...

But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck*
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies!


Noin, Une, and Sally Po:
Yeah!

Wufei:
Onna, what are you doing here?!?

Shigeru:
Ladies!

Noin, Une, and Sally Po:
Yeah!

Wufei:
...?

Shigeru:
If you wanna role in my Mercedes

Noin, Une, and Sally Po:
Yeah!

Wufei:
::dies...thanks WhiteCat::

Shigeru:
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!
Baby got back!
Yeah, baby ...
when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin' to do with my
selection.
36-24-36? Ha ha, only if he's 5'3".
::examines Ash carefully::

So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hon

::pulls Satoshi to his feet and they start to dance::

You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role

Brock:
::tearfully, at the top of his lungs::
And tell you that the butt ain't go
So they toss it and leave it

Heero:
And I pull up quick to retrieve it

Shigeru:
::goes into shock::

Satoshi:
::snatches mike from the ground::
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waste is small and your curves are kickin'

::winks at Noin, who giggles::

And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'

::sneers at Kasumi::

To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!

Kasumi:
::sputters::
Why you!  You little—I oughta—how dare you—you
little—aaaaahhh!!
::dies::

Ana:
We seem to have a recurring problem with this...

Satoshi:
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her

::points at a very obese Duplica, who snarls::

Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his boys are on my list

::makes a face at Hiroshi, who is trying to hit on a barely conscious
Shigeru::

He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em

Shgeru:
::snaps out of daze as Hiroshi attempts to kiss him::
Thanks, Sato-chan.

So boys, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!

Heero:
Little in the middle, but he got much back...

The music suddenly shuts off, and the spotlights dim.

"What the hell do you kids think you're doing!"
Ariana's dad
screams, looking at the mess made in his night club.  "Get out,
get
out!"

"Daddy," Ana complains.  "But—"

"Just get out, all of you!"  One by one, the anime
characters
begin to file out, some strangely satisfied, others grumpy.

"Lousy show..."

"So cute in a skirt, Sato-chan..."

"What pictures are she talking about, Heero?"

"Eh..."

"EVERYONE GET OUT!"

Ariana sighs, and sits down at the piano, flipping the top
open.  She opens her mouth and sings:

"The time has come
It's for the best I know
Who would have guessed that you and I
Somehow today
We'd have to say--"

The lights all shut off and a door slams.

"—goodbye."